“for the word of God is alive and active. sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”  hebrews 4:12

“He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.” psalm 107:20

my back aches. my hands are numb.  i am covered with dust.

but my heart has never been happier! i’ve spent the morning sanding a piece of furniture. a piece that, when it’s finally done, promises to be absolutely beautiful.

if it doesn’t kill me first.

see, i’ve already painted this old vanity/desk once. actually primed, painted, and textured. i was so proud. it looked beautiful on the outside, but as the days passed and i set different things on top of it, i realized the layers of paint were chipping off. i was discouraged to find a glaze underneath; something i should have taken care of before the makeover.

so i’ve tackled the project this week. and it has worn me out. scraping and sanding myself crazy, i’ve discovered not only a glaze, but layers and layers of paint underneath the glaze that i didn’t even know were there. layers that i had covered up but that still affected the function of the piece.

sanding my heart out this morning, sawdust blowing everywhere, i thought to myself, “what a mess. i wish i had taken care of these layers earlier, then my paint would have stuck and my work would be much easier.”

bam. it hit me. this is so like the healing process of the heart, my own heart even.

the “stuff” i haven’t dealt with, the layers of unhealed hurts, they affect the way i function – the way i treat myself, treat others, the way i make decisions, do relationship, resolve conflict (or not.)

for example, years ago a friend confronted me with this truth: “mary, you don’t trust men. you don’t respect them, and you have authority issues with them.” these weren’t words i wanted to hear, but i prayed about it anyway, asking God to reveal the truth of my heart. i met with a spirit-filled counselor, and together we walked through the issue. as i opened my ears and listened God, He revealed to me so clearly that because of my father’s suicide (i was 10) i grew up with some anger and distrust toward men. even toward God.

what followed was a season of healing – difficult, but so freeing. the word of God delivered me from that bondage, emptying me of that layer of pain, rendering it useless to affect my function in this life. PRAISE GOD!!!

as i continued sanding down through the layers of paint this morning, i thought of so many things that we don’t want to deal with, don’t want uncovered, don’t even realize we’ve been carrying around. things that affect our function in this life. things like fear, anger, unforgiveness, resentment, and the need for control. what brought these into our souls? where did it start? from what do we need healing?

my paint wouldn’t stick because of the rough layers underneath. sometimes in this life, i try to put on contentment, happiness, trust, or peace in a situation, but it seems it won’t stick. i see now the reason could be a layer underneath, a layer of something that needs to be dealt with.

back to my desk. i’ve decided to do the hard work of scraping and sanding off these layers. it will take effort and time, but when i’m done, it’s going to be so much easier to paint this piece so that it will function the way it was made to.

my prayer for my own heart today is that God would reveal to me the layers of hurt that still need healing in my life, hurt that is keeping me from functioning the way i was meant to. and that i would be willing, even if it’s hard work, to hear His word.  to allow Him to scrape and sand and clean me out so that i’ll be free. free to love myself, love others, love Him, and do relationship the way i was designed to.