“for apart from Him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?  for to the one who pleases Him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, but to the sinner he has given the business of gathering and collecting, only to give to the one who pleases God.  this also is vanity and a striving after the wind.”  ecclesiastes 2:26

“for we are not unaware of his schemes.”  2 Corinthians 2:11

i might call myself lots of things, but shopper is not one of them.  if i need something i’ll go out and brave the crowds; otherwise I’m fairly content with what i have.

i prefer consignment clothing to new, partly due to cost and also because i can have more variety.  there’s a humility of atmosphere God offers when we choose to receive the blessing of the gently used rather than always demanding to be the original owner; I’ve found this to be true whether it be the house, the car, the furniture, or the clothing.

sometimes, though, i will spend the money on a fresh, new item.  maybe to treat myself, maybe it’s one of a kind, maybe the sale really is that good.

last night as tim and i were preparing to attend a worship event – yes, a worship event:  celebrating the goodness of God – i searched my closet for that piece i let myself buy a few weeks ago.  the one that made me feel especially pretty, the one i took with me on our anniversary weekend trip to see our grandchildren in south carolina.

usually an overpacker, i was particularly proud of myself on this trip, because i packed only a few more items than i knew i would need, plus i packed only favorite things.

it only took a few minutes of searching last night to realize something was amiss.  not only could i not locate the desired piece, but a few others seemed to be missing as well.  where was my clothing?

and then it hit me.

no, i didn’t.  NO, i didn’t.  NO, i didn’t.

yes.  i did.

standing frozen in my bedroom, i realized i had not emptied the closet as we checked out of the hotel those few weeks ago.  we were rushing to pack, trying to make it to breakfast, and in my haste i left our clothing – mine and tim’s.

careless.  how could i be so careless?  tim immediately called the hotel and described the situation.  the clerk was more than accommodating and searched the lost and found for our items.  she located a bag containing every item we remember leaving.  every item except one.

i’m ashamed to tell you how upset i became as i realized that my treasured item was not among the found.  not only was i angry at myself for my carelessness, i was angry at “whomever” decided to take the nicest piece and keep it for themselves.  the clerk apologized and promised to look further.  i said thank you.  but i didn’t mean it.

i’m also ashamed to say that even though i know it’s only a piece of clothing, and that i have way more clothing than i need anyway, and that – after all – we were on our way to a WORSHIP event, i couldn’t stop thinking about what had been taken from me.  i rationalized in my mind all the reasons i should and should not be upset.

i’m sorry to say that it wasn’t until we arrived at the event that i was able to really let it go.  let’s be honest.  it’s just not possible to sing to Jesus, “You set me free; You are my everything,” when you’re fixated on some (truly) meaningless material possession that doesn’t even deserve to compete for your attention.  #hypocrite  #idolatry  #repent

the more i let it go, the more open my ears were to what God wanted to say to me. i remembered that “every good thing comes down from the Father of lights.”  it’s all His anyway.  none of my stuff is even mine.  i know this, but i let the enemy distract me. 

i began to pray blessing on the person who took it.  yes, blessing!  because hey, if i have the Spirit of God in me, then everything i own has been blessed with His Spirit also.  so wherever that shirt is, the presence of Jesus is too, and i’ll just bet the person who took it needs a little Jesus!

hallelujah!  the gospel is being spread through a piece of clothing.  only God can do that.

so this morning i got up, and you would think i’d be all refreshed and free and celebrating the simple lessons God is teaching me, right?

nope.

i got up thinking about that piece.  and how i really still want it.  and that it was new and i never even got to wear it; not even once.

seriously?  I’M STILL THERE?!?  what is wrong with me?  this is ridiculous.

so i sat down.  in the quiet.  and i opened the scriptures.

i read psalms, proverbs, and then ecclesiastes.

ecclesiastes.  vanity, vanity, all is vanity.  go read it for yourself.  there’s so much wisdom in there.  i read the entire book.

my God reminded me again how very real the enemy is.  how he is always looking for ground in my life.  available space where he can set up camp.  get some attention.  pull my focus from God, His words, His ways.  influence me as much as possible to think and act and speak like the world.  persuade me to dwell on things that turn into obsessions, idols, little gods.

i began to think of all sorts of ways the enemy can get ground in my life:  LOSSES.  DISAPPOINTMENTS.  UNFORGIVENESS.  SELF PITY.  SELF CONDEMNATION.  RELIGION.  SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS.  CRITICAL SPIRIT.  ARROGANCE.  IDOLATRY (possessions, knowledge, entertainment, self indulgence.)

and well, i don’t have to tell you that my silly little clothing item all but disintegrated in the atmosphere of the Spirit.  it just couldn’t survive.  because i determined not to let the enemy have that ground.  it’s NOT AVAILABLE!

i’m also looking at those other vulnerable areas in my life, asking God to search my heart and show me where i’m being distracted by my losses, disappointments, and self pity. because that’s available ground. 

is there someone i haven’t forgiven?  that’s available ground.

am i condemning myself for my sins and imperfections?  available ground.

are my thoughts praising myself for my own spiritual right-ness?  available ground.

am i spending myself on entertainment, technology, social media?  available ground.

am i promoting the words of my favorite speaker, band, blogger, social cause, even my church, more than the gospel of Jesus?  available ground.

listen.  the enemy never lets up.  he hates God and he hates us.  the scriptures tell us he constantly prowls around looking for someone to devour.  he’s a schemer.  he watches us, learns our habits, determines our weaknesses, and then he pounces on us in our distraction.  and he gains ground.  because we let him.

in our distraction, we let him.

in our hunger for entertainment, we let him.

in our thirst for attention and fame, we let him.

in our gathering and our collecting, we let him.

so what’s the alternative?  it’s right up there in ecclesiastes:  “for apart from Him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?  for to the one who pleases Him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy,”

THAT is the alternative.  we acknowledge God as the only source of true enjoyment and fulfillment.  we lay down our distractions, refusing to make space available for the enemy, and we fix our eyes on Jesus, striving to please Him only.

and then we rejoice, receiving the rewards for pleasing Him:  wisdom and knowledge and joy.

and the enemy gets no ground.

“it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”  galatians 5:1

“now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”  2 corinthians 3:17

“let everything be done decently and in order.”  1 corinthians 14:40

so today I’m sitting at my classroom desk writing this.  yes.  I know.  it’s saturday.

with a heavy sigh i leaned back in my chair a few moments ago.  feeling completely overwhelmed by the mass of unfiled paperwork on my table, i covered my face with my hands and asked myself how things got so out of control.

why didn’t i take care of these items when I should have and could have, during the school year on a regular basis as needs arose?  a few moments each day or week, and it would all be in order.  but now there’s this mass of undone work.

and it’s in the way.

to start another school year like this just won’t be a smooth ride.  going forward isn’t going to flow.

to experience the freedom of a new school year, i’m gonna have to spend some time and energy dealing with this junk, item by item.

sitting here thinking over this, i see a parallel in my walk with God and my fellowship with others around me.  during those times when things don’t feel smooth, don’t seem to flow, and can’t go forward, i need to ask God what is in the way.

and then I need to deal with it.

sometimes it’s a lack of personal, intimate fellowship with Him.  i don’t mean reading a devotional or tuning the radio to a Christian music station.  what i mean is getting ahold of the scriptures and sitting in the quiet with the word of God.  to see what HE wants to say to ME.  what i mean is setting aside some real time to pour out my heart to God in prayer and then be willing to wait for His response.

sometimes it’s unforgiveness.  i need to let go of bitterness, offense, and making everything about  me.  I need to have that difficult conversation or confess to God my critical, judgmental attitude.

sometimes it’s unbelief.  do i really believe God, which is way deeper than just believing in God?  do i know Him, know His character, know His word and believe what He says about Himself and what He says about me?  do i walk in true belief or doubt most of the time?

sometimes it’s a wounding.  maybe a memory.  or something that someone said to me or about me.  do i need to ask God for healing?  to show me where He was present during that time, to remind me that He never takes His eyes off me, never lets go of me, and only allows into my life that which has real purpose?

sometimes it’s idolatry.  how much of my thoughts, energy, or finances are going toward temporal things rather than eternal things?  am i investing myself in people, or just looking for the comfortable way through life?

today and this week i’ll spend more time than i want to at my classroom table getting caught up on what’s undone, what’s in the way. then and only then will i be free to enjoy the school year.  i’ll have the energy and time to pour into the 19 new third graders God has assigned into my care.  i’ll be free to embrace the next season He has for me.

what’s in your way?  what’s keeping you from embracing the season you’re in?  what needs to be done, forgiven, healed, completed, “filed away” for good so that you can experience freedom in your walk with Christ and your relationships with others?

ask God.  He’ll tell you.

He’ll even give you wisdom to find your way through to the other side.

and then you’ll be free.

because then nothing will be in the way.

“for i was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, i was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, i was a stranger and you invited me in, i needed clothes and you clothed me, i was sick and you looked after me, i was in prison and you visited me….. i tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”   matthew 26:36, 40

so this morning i got up early and stopped at chick-fil-a on the way to my teachers’ workshop.  i didn’t have much time, and the drive thru line was insanely long, so i opted for a to-go order inside.  i knew i only had five or six dollars in cash, so like most of us these days, i slid my debit card through the register slot.  my small order seemed to take forever, putting me behind schedule. i still had 30 minutes left on my commute, and parking is almost impossible at this particular meeting site unless you arrive considerably early.

pulling out of the parking lot i noticed a young man sitting under a tree; i’m fairly certain he was waiting on a ride to a job site, because i’ve seen him there once before.  a young woman with headphones on made her way to the bus stop.  another man waited on the corner of the restaurant’s sidewalk, watching for his breakfast appointment.  i passed them all and headed toward the red light.

and then i noticed him.

passed him, actually.

he was scruffy and had on too many layers of clothes.  scraggly beard and mustache, long hair.  shuffling along near the bushes and trees, heading nowhere in particular but careful to stay out of the way of cars.

“buy his breakfast.  he hasn’t eaten.”  it was almost audible.  seriously.

ok!  yes, i will.  i still have that cash.  it’s all yours, God  it’s all his.  yes, i will.

grabbing the wad of ones from my wallet as i swerved back into the parking lot, i slowed until i was beside him.  rolling down the passenger window, i reached through and handed him the money.  “good morning; i’d like to buy your breakfast today.  get something good, okay?”

he was so grateful.  “thank you, oh, thank you so much.” 

as i drove back around to the exit, i looked back to see him walking into the restaurant.

by himself.

and for a split second it bothered me that he was alone.

but.

i had to be somewhere.  and i was already late.

i prayed and asked God to multiply the money.  like the loaves and fishes.  so that he could get whatever he wanted.  then i asked God to send someone, a Christian someone, in to talk to him.

except here’s the thing:  God had already sent a Christian someone.

me.

but i was too busy.  i had an agenda.  a plan for a parking spot.

and well, this would have interrupted my plan.

and so.

i kept driving.

i cannot tell you how i wish i had responded differently.

oh, if i had it to do over again, i would park my car.  walk over to him.  take off my sunglasses.  look him in the eyes.  call him sir.  pat him on the arm.  invite him to have breakfast with me.  with someone who cares.  someone who has a few minutes to listen to his story.  to make a personal connection.  to see him as a human being.  someone of value.

i would tell him that he is not invisible.  that God sees him.  and that’s why i saw him.

i would speak life over him.

throw some courage on him.

pray with him.

yes, the money was a good gift.  yes, it did help him out.  yes, he ate today because of it.  and no, i’m not planning to beat myself up over what i didn’t do.

but listen, it’s not just about giving the money.  or donating the items.  or sacrificing an afternoon at the soup kitchen. or volunteering at the outreach event.  or sponsoring the child.  or going on the mission trip.

it’s about connecting with people.  hurting people.  needy people.

slowing down long enough to really see them.  acknowledge them.   set aside the discomfort and inconvenience and spend some time with them.

i could have done it.  i could have taken the time.

Jesus did.

when i  read the scriptures i see how Jesus interacted with people in need.  he never just solved their problem and moved on.  he touched them.  he looked at them.  he spoke to them.  he spent some measure of time with them.

he met their physical needs, their emotional needs, their spiritual needs. 

i’m too busy.  i’m too distracted.  i’m self-centered.

it’s idolatry.

and it doesn’t please God.

oh God, please give me another chance.  more opportunities to walk out the gospel of Jesus like Jesus would.  like Jesus did.  empty me of me, so that i can see the needs of hurting people.  you said, “inasmuch as you have done it to the least of them, you have done it to Me.”  teach me how to love “the least of them.”

change my heart. 

whatever it takes, God, change me.

from the inside out.