“for you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”  colossians 3:3

“i have been crucified with Christ and i no longer live, but Christ lives in me.”  galatians 2:20

i’ve never been more uncomfortable in my entire life.  eight years here, and still i don’t feel a sense of being rooted, connected, or belonging.  i think about moving every single day.  i know exactly where i want to be and why.

i could leave tomorrow and never look back.

my husband is a different story altogether.  he’s never been more comfortable.  he’s been here for 19 years and counting.  playing music and starting his own business have kept him connected to a great number of people.

for the most part, he can’t imagine leaving.

it might sound crazy, but being “stuck” here has been a valuable part of my spiritual journey.  i have grown and matured in ways i never could have in a more “comfortable” place.  although i would rather be near longtime friends and family, the intense loneliness i continue to experience in this place has pushed me into greater intimacy with Jesus.

being here has also strengthened my marriage.  with no place else to go, the tim and i have been forced to face and work out our (very real and numerous) difficulties.  in the strangest and most unpredictable way, my (polar opposite) husband has become my best friend.

sometimes the best thing is to continue to be uncomfortable.

sometimes the best thing is to not get what you want.

sometimes the best thing is to be reminded that you are not your own.

the scriptures say that as followers of Jesus, we live the exchanged life.  since Jesus took our place and gave his life for ours, we receive his life in exchange.  what used to be my desires, my goals, and my direction become His desires, His goals, His direction.

what do we receive for making that trade?

eternity in heaven with the Lover of our souls.

and so this is where i land…..

it doesn’t really matter where I live.  that’s just geography.

what does matter is the condition of my heart:

do i have eyes to see his hand?

do i have ears to hear his voice louder than all the others?

do i have a heart that turns toward him?

the truth is, the more comfortable i am, the less likely i am to experience him as fully.

so today, i’m thanking God for his design on my journey.  i’m thanking him for this long, uncomfortable season which could very well last the rest of my life.

correction:  His life. 

our life.

the exchanged life.