“the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.  may the name of the Lord be praised.”  job 1:21

i don’t even know what to say….

it took all i had to get out of bed this morning.

today is my brother’s birthday.  except he isn’t here to celebrate.

we lost him six weeks ago.

and although he was sick…

no one

no one

no one

expected

that he would not triumph.

the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away….

may the name of the Lord be praised.

may the name of the Lord be praised?

i’m not feeling it.

not today.

today i’m torn apart.

today i grieve.

today i question.

God, help me

my brother is gone

and there is nothing i can do about it.

there are no words for this ache.

no way to describe this loss.

we lost our parents young

and never dreamed

we would not grow old together

with our families.

i’ve never felt more alone.

i believe…

God, help my unbelief…

and yet

and yet

through tears that seem to have taken up permanent residence within my soul

i know

i know

i know

that my God is real

that the heart of my God is moved by my pain.

that Jesus prays for me.

that i am never alone.

the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away….

may the name of the Lord be praised.

from the inside out.