“vanity, vanity!” says the teacher, “all is vanity.  everything is meaningless.  what do people gain from all their labors at which they labor under the sun?”  ecclesiastes 1

it’s just a tree.  really.  a tree.

so why did it mean so much to me, to buy this (beautiful yoshino cherry) tree and plant it in just that spot in the front yard?

i don’t know.   it’s not important.

what’s important is that it isn’t going to happen.

i’m letting it go.

sounds trivial, because it is.

except it isn’t.

i asked God this morning why it seemed so important to me.  why i am struggling over a tree.

this is the answer i got:  “it’s the letting go.  you’re in a season of letting go.”

STILL?

um….this is like… year ELEVEN.

it began with me letting go of friends, position, and possessions to move across the waters, spending two years falling in love with that school, that land, and its people.

then letting go of them.

to move again and  begin the journey of  marriage – that partnership, that collaboration, cohabitation, teamwork and compromise.

letting go of my independence.  my way of doing things.

actually, it feels like i’ve been letting go since i was a child.  losing people, places, dreams.

and You’re saying it’s not enough?

okay, then.  the tree goes.

although it’s not really about the tree, is it?  a tree is a thing.  things aren’t what matter.  people matter.  relationships matter.   walking with God matters.  that’s what Jesus said in matthew 22.

“and one of them tested him with this question – ‘teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?’ Jesus replied: ‘love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  this is the first and greatest commandment.  and the second is like it: ‘love your neighbor as yourself.  all the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.’”

so losing things, laying down dreams, not getting my way….  all serve to remind me of what matters most in this life – relationship.

walking with God.   and loving my neighbor.

people.  not things.

vanity, vanity.  it really is vanity.  it really is meaningless.

goodbye, little tree.

i’m letting you go.