27 november 2020

“who is this, coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her Beloved?”

song 8:5

i heard it so clearly….

back in may, when it was obvious that things weren’t going “back to normal” anytime soon – actually, quite the opposite – there would be further limitations and restrictions because of the virus…….

“2020 will be a wilderness. 20 + 20 = 40. you know what 40 means in the Word. 2020 will continue to be a wilderness. a preparation. an equipping for what is to come. for what I’m doing.”

over and over in the scriptures 40 signifies the wilderness:

*noah spent 40 days and nights on the ark, waiting for the rain to stop.

*moses spent 40 years in the wilderness being prepared for deliverance.

*moses was 40 days on mount sinai to hear God’s instructions.

*and Jesus? 40 days in the wilderness being tempted by the enemy.

so what’s the purpose of the wilderness, anyway?

*separation – from distraction, for God’s purposes alone

*attention – ears to hear specific instructions from God

*preparation/testing – equipping for the season to come

think about the events that took place following each wilderness experience: noah’s family saw the mercy of God in preserving humanity through its bloodline; moses saw the miraculous deliverance of God’s people, saw God’s power and provision in ways no one could explain; moses also experienced the supernatural presence of God and received His commands; and Jesus – following his 40 days of testing – began his public ministry of healing, deliverance, miracles, sacrifice, and salvation.

the isolation, loneliness, pain, struggle, and equipping of the wilderness are always followed by a great move of God. always.

so what does this have to do with us? with the present day?

i am convinced that there is intentional purpose in the wilderness of 2020 – purpose in the Spirit, beyond what we can see in the natural. God’s purpose.

it may seem like enemy forces are in control; it may seem like a pandemic has taken over; it may seem like a virus is calling the shots.

absolutely not.

the people of God have been intentionally quarantined with the King: they have been in prayer – praising, worshiping, repenting, listening. they have been using their time in this wilderness to receive correction, instruction, and training in righteousness as they prepare to see and participate in the great move of God that will follow this wilderness.

it’s thrilling. it’s exciting. it’s wildly mysterious.

“who is this, coming up FROM the WILDERNESS, leaning on her Beloved?”

it’s the church. the bride. the ones Jesus loves and gave Himself for.

it’s you.

it’s me.

it’s us.

stay close to your Beloved.

from the inside out.

 

psalm 51

“for i know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.  against You, and You only have i sinned, and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak, and blameless when You judge.”

isaiah 53

but He was pierced through for our transgressions, and He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed.”

so i started out sleeping on the couch last night.  because i was a bit angry.  at the tim.  i lasted a few hours, then went to bed.  not gonna lie.  still a bit angry.

this weekend our small church is holding a 48-hour prayer watch leading up to pentecost sunday.  we chose this morning’s  4-6 a.m. slot.

it was a quiet ride in.  yep.

we walked across the dark parking lot into the sanctuary.  the only ones there.  i said well, i’m gonna find a spot, and i know you’re gonna play the piano.

wait, he said.  we can’t pray like this.  not with this tension.

so we sat and processed it out, right there in God’s house.  it took some listening.  it took confession.  it took some grace.   it took forgiveness.

it took an hour.

let’s pray together before we separate, he suggested.  and taking my hand, he prayed these words over us…..

“God, we’re broken.  we’re so broken.  show us where we’re selfish, arrogant,  proud, unloving, critical.  show us our sin, what doesn’t look like You.  show us how to do better.  how to love better.  You’re our only hope.”

we spent the second hour separately in worship and prayer, confessing our sin, crying out to God for our own healing and for healing in our marriage, families, church, community, nation, world.

so many broken people.   angry and hurting, breaking other people.

listen, we don’t have what it takes to fix it, to heal it.  if we did, then Jesus died for nothing.

so….. where are you taking your “broken?”

take it to the One whose body was broken for yours.  the One crushed in your place.  the One whose power conquered broken when He burst out of that grave.

we don’t have to stay broken.  healing is waiting.

cry out to God.  give him your hurts, disappointments, weaknesses, offenses.  give Him your confusion, your anger, your rage, your addiction.   He can take it.  He wants to take it.  and exchange it for freedom, strength, forgiveness, and the love of Christ.

Jesus alone can heal your heart.  your mind.  your attitudes.  your body.

Let Jesus heal your broken.

from the inside out.

“my sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” psalm 51:17

you wouldn’t think that waking up at 3:00 a.m. to the sound of something breaking would excite someone this much.

but i am.  really.

like i wanna dance up in here.

you see, it’s the answer to a specific request i’ve made for the last 2 days.

i’ve been asking God to break us.  of all that doesn’t look like Him – our pride, arrogance, self-righteousness, judgment, religious spirit, selfishness, wastefulness, idolatry.

all those things that are in the way of us experiencing who God is,  what He has to say, what we’re called to do.

so at 3:00 this morning we awoke to the sound of breaking glass in our bedroom.  turns out our little mini-split hvac unit decided to defrost in the middle of the night, and hundreds of little ice crystals were breaking up inside.

of course, i know in my spirit it’s much more than that.

it’s God saying yes to my prayer, letting me know that He is doing exactly what i’ve asked.  a prophetic picture of God’s work in our lives right now.

in a lot of ways, it doesn’t feel very good.  breaking never does.  i broke my kneecap in december, and i thought i would never recover; it was incredibly painful throughout the entire healing process.

did you catch that?  “throughout the healing process.”  breaking leads to healing.  i can tell you that my kneecap wasn’t the only healing that took place during those months. i’ve definitely emerged from that season with insight and gratitude i didn’t have before.

there was purpose in it.

something was born from the breaking and the pain.

like seeds splitting apart to allow new growth.

there are numerous references in scripture – literally, figuratively, prophetically – to breaking.  in so many, God used circumstances to break a person’s own agenda, so that the kingdom of God would advance.

abraham and isaac.  joseph and his brothers.  esther.  job.  king david.  king solomon. jeremiah.  ezekiel.  peter. the apostle paul.

the Lord Jesus, whose only agenda was “to do what I see My Father doing.”

we break the bread of holy communion as a picture of the body of Christ, broken for our transgressions.

and out of that most awesome breaking?  our souls find salvation.  through the pain of repentance and healing, we find newness.  Life.  purpose.

continue to break us, O God.  give us eyes to see Your hand, ears to hear Your voice, hearts that turn toward You, and feet to share Your gospel.

reveal to us our idols, and every single thing that steals our attention, our love, our devotion.

break us of our own agendas, so that Your kingdom might advance.

from the inside out.

“now, Lord, what do i look for?  my hope  is in You.”  psalm 39:7

“look for the Lord and for His strength; seek His face always.”  psalm 105:4

it’s the  most bizarre thing.  every day for the past week, this huge bumble bee is waiting for me outside.  i can’t sit down for one second before it’s right in front of me.  even if it flies away momentarily, the minute i close my eyes and relax, THERE IT IS, two inches from my face.  i can almost hear it shout, “look at me!  look at me!”

this morning i finally got it.  i heard God’s voice speak over me, over my marriage, over my home, over my situations, over my community, over the chaos in the world, over the unknown.

look.  at.  Me.

i.  am.  here.

i.  am.  ALWAYS.  here.

i.  am.  working.

i.  can.  do.  the.  impossible.

did you catch that?  the impossible.  just like the bumblebee.  we’ve all heard the story about how the bumblebee really shouldn’t be able to fly.  its weight, its wings, the physics of it all.  but it does.  it does the impossible.  because God created it that way.

because God is the God of the impossible.

so in the middle of our inner stirrings, in the middle of our marriages, in the middle of our homes, situations, communities, world chaos, and especially the unknown, hear the voice of the Lord as He says to you, “LOOK. AT. ME.”

God has something to say to those who will hear.  to those who will look away from the distractions, the temptations, the fear, and all the other voices.  to those who will look  to Him.

God has something to say.

so get quiet.  get in the Word.  pray.  listen.  focus.

look at Him.

with your whole heart.  your whole being.

from the inside out.

 

so i’m up again, can’t sleep, and i’m sitting here in the quiet about to continue reading through Ezekiel, when i hear something hit the concrete floor. i jump a little, turn on the light, and investigate. turns out to the this plastic casing. no apparent reason for it to shift from where it has been sitting for four months. makes no sense. i know something else is going on. i look at the clock and ask God what He’s saying. i wait. i listen.

1. the time – 2:47 – could also look like 24/7 – be alert during this season. be alert 24/7. God is saying and doing some things. don’t miss the things intended for you.
2. there’s a shifting taking place. it’s not something to be seen with the eye, and it won’t be obvious in the natural. in fact, what we do see might not seem to make any sense.  but God is doing all kinds of things in this season.  we just don’t see the evidence yet.
3. it’s almost 3 a.m., which many believe to be the hour for intercession, for the “watchmen” to be most intensely focused – to perceive and discern what is happening in the atmosphere.  stay alert. God has things to say for those who will hear.
4. that blue plastic casing is used by electricians. it’s called an electrical outlet box. electricity = power; outlet = God’s people. this season is a unique opportunity for God’s people to be available as outlets for the power of His words, the power of His presence.  because that’s what it’s going to take to come through this season boldly unshaken,  affecting the kingdom of God for eternity.
5. i’m still thinking about the significance of the time. i look up Ezekiel 2:4,7 and the scripture says, “the people are obstinate and hard-hearted. i am sending you to them, and you must say to them, ‘This is what the Lord says,” …. but speak My words to them, whether they listen or refuse to listen, for they are rebellious.”  the only words that will offer true hope, real encouragement, and lasting comfort are the words of the Lord.

what is God calling you to speak over those around you during this bizarre season? you might not feel “prophetic,” but that doesn’t matter. it’s not about us anyway. if we are followers of Christ, we do and say what He tells us to. whether or not it makes sense.  whether or not it “feels” comfortable.

O, God, wake us up in the night with dreams, visions, and words of revelation.  keep us alert to the sound of your voice. may we hear it louder than all the others.

from the inside out.

“The voice of the Lord makes the deer to calve and strips the forests bare.” Psalm 29

from the looks of these trees, you would think they’re dead. no visible signs of life, bare branches, no sprouts pushing out.

in fact, though, they’re just resting. waiting. anticipating the BURST that’s just around the corner, when the voice of the Lord calls forth all the new life. soon we will see on the surface what’s been growing and preparing beneath the surface all during this season. this season of REST.

i believe that’s what we’re experiencing right now. a season of rest. extended rest. an opportunity for growth, deep in the hidden places of our hearts, growth that will prepare us for what’s to come.

my prayer is that we soak up all God has for us during this season.

so be still.

be quiet.

listen for His voice.

pray.

read the word.

encourage others.

take care of yourself.

continue to keep watch.

continue to wait.

in expectation.

for the BURST.

that will come.

from the inside out.

“i waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay. and He set my feet upon a rock, making my footsteps firm. and He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.”

sitting in the hospital… it’s not likely your baby will get better.
someday this pain will be a story you tell.

holding your last paycheck… don’t know how you’ll make ends meet.
someday this moment will be a story you tell.

getting divorce papers in the mail… never thought you’d be alone.
someday this rejection will be a story you tell.

holding the empty bottle in your hand… you’ve lost your family.
someday this journey will be a story you tell.

crumbling to the floor in disappointment…again.
someday this loss will be a story you tell.

standing at the graveside… how do you even begin to say goodbye?
someday this grief will be a story you tell.

will you tell about His love, His compassion and His grace?
will you tell how His words, moved you through this place?

like the woman at the well.
what story will you tell?

history says she went to the well
at a different time than all the other women.
because hers was a story that told itself.
all those husbands.
all that shame.

she had no idea that her story was about to change.

change her.

forever.

because that day at the well, Someone was waiting.
Someone who knew her history.
knew her loss.
knew her pain.

Someone who came to change her story.

“whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst, but the water I shall give him shall become in him a well of water, springing up to eternal life.”

“come! see a man who told me all the things I have done;
this is not the Christ, is it?”

“and they went out of the city, and were coming to Him…and from that city many of the samaritans believed in Him, because of the word of the woman who testified.”

because of the story she told.

in an instant, her story had become one of
freedom
deliverance
acceptance
forgiveness
joy
love
celebration

and everything that had gone before
had brought her to the place
where her story changed.
where she met the Changer.
Jesus.

wherever you are today…
whatever pain or loss or disappointment you are experiencing
is seasonal.
and no season lasts forever.
someday this season
will be a story you tell.

what story will you tell?

let Jesus fill you.
right in the middle of this season.
invite Him in.
feel the well of water spring up inside you.
and overflow
to the point
that others around you
see and believe
because of your testimony
of how He changed you.

from the inside out.

but all things must be done properly and in an orderly manner.
first Corinthians 14:40

i’ve been getting things in order.

no, i don’t expect to die soon. that’s not it.

it’s because i realized the significant toll “out of order” was taking on me. and i was weary of living stressed, frustrated, tired, crunched for time, and generally angry at people.

something had to change.

and that something was me.

in the scriptures, Jesus talks about peace. life. freedom. grace. “a Way” to live that hears, recognizes, discerns, and accomplishes the purposes of God.

well, to live that way i need to be available to hear and respond.

available meaning less busy. and having things in order.

i’m not talking about OCD order.

i’m talking about knowing what i have and where to find it. so that precious time is available when God invites me to partner with Him to serve someone. somewhere. for something eternal.

a few months ago, i spent a considerable amount of time organizing some key spaces in my home and classroom at school. i looked at patterns in my spending (money and time.) i prayed for wisdom, checked out a few websites, listened to several podcasts, and began to get some things in order.

i took an honest look at my schedule. some worthwhile things had to go, simply because i couldn’t afford the time/distance to continue. other things, like prayer time and bible study, were adjusted and increased, because time spent with God affects everything.

i took an internal inventory. asked God to show me what doesn’t look like Him. waited for answers. found some discouragement and disappointment. some unbelief. some idolatry. discovered some bitterness and resentment hiding. acknowledged. confessed. repented. invited Him into the empty spaces. thanked Him. and moved forward.

i’m also talking about knowing what i have “control” over and what i don’t.

i can’t control the way someone else treats me or the way they do relationship. i can control my response and how deeply i let their behavior soak in. i can control who i spend time with. and how much time.

certain spaces in my house are not within my control. my husband’s music room and shop area contain his belongings. he decides what goes, what stays, and how it is organized. so i can let that go. and focus on the areas within my control.

i cannot control when meetings and events are scheduled in my workplace. i can control how many hours i spend in my classroom after the workday has ended.

so i got some things in order…

i was not prepared for the instant benefits.

not at all.

suddenly i found myself with time on the weekends to plan and shop for meals.

i’ve established new boundaries for work, and these days i arrive home early enough to actually cook dinner.

i spend almost no time searching for materials at school or items at home. i know what i have and where to find it. i’m content in my home. i’m content in my classroom.

i’m getting to bed earlier, sleeping better. eating healthier.

i’m pretty sure i’m nicer to those around me. #fewer frustrations.

in the scriptures, Jesus says, “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

in reality, what am i offering those around me?

what do i want to offer?

i want to offer peace. joy. love. faith. encouragement. i want to speak Life over others. i want those things to overflow.

and that wasn’t happening.

so i got some things in order.

and God is speaking.

and i am listening.

and responding.

and change is taking place.

from the inside out.

“two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor; if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” ecclesiastes 4:9,10

so my husband and i spontaneously decided that today would be the day to begin pulling up the bricks on our back patio. all manner of unsightly mold and weeds have grown there for years, and well, enough is enough.

as we loosened, pulled up, loaded, hauled, and stacked bricks one at a time, almost immediately I began seeing parallels between the work of the patio and the work of our marriage relationship.

*transformation is hard work. and sometimes painful. we were exhausted by the end of the afternoon. both of us complained of aches and pains, but the progress we made was visible and rewarding. marriage is hard. enough said.

*this work was messy. and we both ended up covered in dirt. today won’t be the only messy day, either. there will be plenty more as we progress through the steps of the renovation. the end result will be beautiful.

*building something significant takes time. there are A LOT of bricks on that patio. it won’t change in a day. we will have to stay committed if we are to experience the benefits of the work we’re doing.

*the progress may be slow. “what??? we’re only 20% done? it looked like more to me.” we worked so hard, it was a bit disappointing. so, we’ve decided to celebrate what we have accomplished, not judge ourselves for what we haven’t.

*to make room for the new, the old must go. we can’t leave the bricks AND renovate. if we want something different, we need to evaluate what isn’t working. this is some of the hardest work in a relationship. it’s also some of the most necessary.

*some of the bricks didn’t make it. they ended up in pieces. marriage is tough. there will be pain and heartbreak. how do we respond? we forgive, pick up the pieces, and keep going.

*we encountered “enemies” as we worked today. bugs, worms, snakes. we decided not to let them distract us; we dealt with them and continued on.

*we struggled with some very strong weeds; weeds that needed to be pulled up from the ROOT. if not, they will just grow back. why continually fight against the same unwanted interferences? find the root. extract it. throw it out. once and for all.

*teamwork is key. once we realized our strengths, we could each contribute more to the process. i was most efficient pulling up the bricks; tim hauled and stacked. at sunset, we both stacked, racing the clock. it worked beautifully.

*we don’t have the whole picture yet. right now it doesn’t look anything like a patio. we didn’t get all the bricks up, and there are still lots of weeds and dirt. we’re not exactly sure how it’s going to go, but it will all make sense at the end. we’re going to stay the course; see it through.

*even if you start late, you can still get a lot of work done. we should have done this years ago. but we didn’t. we accomplished a lot in two hours today. in our nine years of marriage, we spent the first six arguing about everything and fighting for control. the last few, we’ve finally begun to consider the other as more important than ourselves. it’s accelerated our sense of partnership more than we could imagine.

*that cup of cold water tim brought me refueled my body. and in marriage, simple acts of kindness refresh the heart and soul.

*humor goes a long way. “did you get my butt in your brick picture?” haha. “no, tim, maybe next time.” and in our marriage, words cannot express how God has used our senses of humor to sustain us along this journey.

*at one point we had to take a break. and breathe. and evaluate. we talked about next steps. made a plan for completing the project. marriage is like that too. Sometimes you just need to step back, take stock, and be intentional about where you are headed together.

it was a productive day. we’re looking forward to creating a backyard space we can enjoy with family, with friends, with one another.

brick by brick.

and in our marriage relationship, we journey forward with a renewed sense of encouragement, commitment, and love as we continue to build our forever partnership.

from the inside out.

“bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name. bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits.” psalm 103:1,2

“a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” ecclesiastes 3:4

and she did

she danced

in her church

at her house

and in her heart

she danced

because she was grateful

so grateful

and everything within her praised the Lord

for saving her

rescuing her

freeing her

walking with her

and…. she spoke

she was not ashamed of the gospel

not ever

wherever she went

whomever she was with

she spoke LIFE

the Jesus Life

the Jesus Truth

the Jesus Freedom

she spoke it because she knew it, experienced it, lived it

and because of that

she desired that others experience it

so… she prayed

she prayed in her heart

she prayed in her home

she prayed in her church

and she prayed in the public.

yeah

in the public

like… over strangers who were hurting

those in need

those most others avoided

she looked for them

she asked God to trust her with them

she noticed them, approached them

offered Jesus to them

and prayed right there

“why not here? why not now? Jesus loves you. and i love you.”

she also gave

resources – food – funds

an empty bedroom

“come, mary, come anytime. your room is always ready.”

dearest Lord God, thank you for your daughter jerry brown. thank you for her worship, her faith, her celebration of You. thank you for her friendship, her generosity, her compassion…

“are you new here? i don’t believe i’ve seen you at our church before. are you here just for our women’s conference, or are you looking for a church home? do you have someone to sit with? how can i pray for you?”

15 years.

15 years of prayers, emails, phone calls, visits, car rides, overnights.

thank you, Jesus, for her willingness to empty herself and allow your great, awesome love to pour out through her. thank you that it landed on me! on my heart! on my soul!

thank you that right now she is exactly where she always dreamed of being – with You, the one her soul loves.

what did she do when she got there, Jesus? when she saw You?

i bet she gasped.

and cried out.

and ran.

and fell at your feet.

i bet she worshipped.

covering your feet with her tears.

i bet when she got up

she kissed you.

hugged you.

and then

i bet

she danced.