“shout for joy, o barren one, you who have borne no child; break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not travailed; for the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord, “enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your pegs. for you will spread abroad to the right and to the left. and your descendants will possess nations.  and will resettle the desolate cities.”

isaiah 54

so tonight i packed seven shoeboxes for operation christmas child.  yes.  seven.  i packed them full.  fuller than you’re supposed to.   i went a little crazy.

i packed them as if i were gifting my own children.  and i guess i sort of was.

because these are the children God has given me.

yep.  these are my babies.

and this is what God’s idea of “momma” looks like on me.  it doesn’t look like I expected, and it doesn’t look like most other mommas.  it does look exactly like God planned for me since before i took my first breath as a baby myself.

it looks like packing shoeboxes for children i’ll never meet.  it looks like sending support to three different international orphanages every month for the last seven years.  It looks like world vision, compassion international, and food for the hungry.  it looks like sponsoring a third grade class in haiti.  it looks like loving jerusalem school students in palestine for two years.

it looks like being a mimi, an aunt mary, and a stepmom. it looks like snuggling and cuddling my friends’ babies and the  littles in the church nursery.   it looks like teaching and loving other people’s children every day for 31 years.

it looks like band bible study and the youth group at church.  speaking the scriptures into the hearts of teenagers.  praying with them.  praying over them.

and let me tell you…. it is nothing short of beautiful.

that God would choose me – would trust me – to sow into the lives of all of these.  it’s overwhelming.  it leaves me speechless.  it often brings me to tears.   it makes me dance.  for the generosity  of the Lord.  the provision and the purpose of our loving God.  to me.  yes. me.

of course I wanted “my own” children.  I even (secretly) wished that tim and I could have had a baby, even though were were in our late 40’s when God brought us together.  (guess that secret’s out now.)

but God….

and well, you know the rest.

so how can it be, that I could be filled with such JOY, all these years, in the midst of not having what i wanted so desperately for so long?

how can it be, that i can still truly rejoice with others and watch in amazement as they birth their babies and their families?

here’s how:  i have seen the goodness of the Lord.  He has proven Himself faithful. over and over and over again.

His plans are good.

and i am not invisible to Him.

i never was.

i never will be.

in fact, according to the scriptures, my sons “will be more numerous than the sons of the married woman.”  and i will “spread abroad to the right and to the left.”   and my descendants “will possess nations.  and will resettle desolate cities.”

and for that reason –

thanks be to God-

i shout for joy.