“therefore, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her.” hosea 2
“from this wilderness …. I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you…” joshua 1
“who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her Beloved?” song 8
and all this time, these 8 years in the wilderness, i’ve thought i was alone. thought it was a trick from the enemy. or somehow my own fault. a consequence for some… something… i don’t know what. or some defect in me.
how did i miss this? i know His voice.
in the midst of my pain. my emptiness. my deficiency. my longing. my confusion. somehow i missed it.
key word: my. in the wilderness i’ve become focused on myself. to the point that, in my head, my voice became louder than His.
and all this time He’s been waiting right there in the wilderness. my wilderness. waiting for me. because, after all, it is He who called me there in the first place. allured me. led me. walked ahead of me.
why?
to speak kindly to me. to me. just me. with no distractions.
and i’ve heard Him. at times.
and at other times…not.
because i’ve been distracted. desperate. frantic. looking for a way out of my emptiness. my deficiency. my longing. out of this wilderness.
as if.
and now i find that not only was it Him leading me there, but it will be Him who leads me out. brings me out. carries me out.
“who is this, coming up out of the wilderness, leaning on her Beloved?”
it’s me! me! that’s me. i’m on the way out.
how long? how much longer? i don’t know.
but it doesn’t matter, because i’m not alone. i never was. i’m leaning on my Beloved.
it almost makes me want to stay.
thank you, Jesus. You are who you say You are. my Beloved. my Companion. Savior. Healer. Comforter. Revealer. my Fortress. my Deliverer. my Rock. there is no one like you, God. no one compares. heaven is your throne, and earth is your footstool. the clouds are the dust beneath your feet. thank you for this wilderness. for alluring me. for quieting me. for speaking kindly to me. for every word thus far and every word yet to come. keep me at Your feet. there is no other place i want to be. i don’t want to miss anything You have for me. whatever it takes. You are my Provision. my Portion. You are enough. i lean on You. i wait on You. i trust in You. i love you, Lord. i am Yours. from the inside out.
Inside Out 
No words… 😭😭🙌🏻
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i know. ❤
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Amen and Amen! Thank you for articulating this so beautifully. I was once told that I am a desert flower that blooms in the wilderness- you are too! You are beautiful Mary, inside and out. Lots of love,
Sharman
Sent from my iPhone
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thank you, sharman. at the Refuge women’s conference two weeks ago, one speaker shared the purple hyssop branch. it blooms IN THE WILDERNESS. i was on the floor. sobbing. isn’t God good????? love you.
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Mary,
Wanted to share this with you. Just read these pages yesterday as you were writing your post……
God is awesome. He links His people with the threads of His love….
Thank you for being honest and sharing……
I feel so much the same way as you except that you know His love more…..
This is the book I have been reading this week, The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. My Pastor mentioned this man, he was a Catholic Priest, an alcoholic and wondering ragamuffin trying to find God. His life story is supposed to be amazing. I bought some of his books and hope to get his biography.
Love you!! inside out.jpg insideout2.jpg insideout3.jpg insideout4.jpg
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i have a couple of his books. his journey is so encouraging. thank you for commenting! praying over you now…. ❤
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Thank you, God, for your faithfulness!
As always, Her has used you to move on my heart. ❤
I love you!
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isn’t He so faithful??? miss you friend. ❤
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Thank you so much Mary for those words of comfort and truth. They hit me straight to my heart and situation! Love you and pray that we will hear more from you soon as the Lord leads you.
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From your beautiful heart to ours….always touching and speaking to us all dear Mary.
I thank Him for His faithfulness to you…and me!
I love you,
Shawna
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Just now catching up on my emails. I love this writing. Truth, familiar to every believer, wilderness feelings, seeing God in it all. Thank you for putting it into words likecinly u can!!
Love and miss you sister in Christ,
Margee
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