“two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor; if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” ecclesiastes 4:9,10

so my husband and i spontaneously decided that today would be the day to begin pulling up the bricks on our back patio. all manner of unsightly mold and weeds have grown there for years, and well, enough is enough.

as we loosened, pulled up, loaded, hauled, and stacked bricks one at a time, almost immediately I began seeing parallels between the work of the patio and the work of our marriage relationship.

*transformation is hard work. and sometimes painful. we were exhausted by the end of the afternoon. both of us complained of aches and pains, but the progress we made was visible and rewarding. marriage is hard. enough said.

*this work was messy. and we both ended up covered in dirt. today won’t be the only messy day, either. there will be plenty more as we progress through the steps of the renovation. the end result will be beautiful.

*building something significant takes time. there are A LOT of bricks on that patio. it won’t change in a day. we will have to stay committed if we are to experience the benefits of the work we’re doing.

*the progress may be slow. “what??? we’re only 20% done? it looked like more to me.” we worked so hard, it was a bit disappointing. so, we’ve decided to celebrate what we have accomplished, not judge ourselves for what we haven’t.

*to make room for the new, the old must go. we can’t leave the bricks AND renovate. if we want something different, we need to evaluate what isn’t working. this is some of the hardest work in a relationship. it’s also some of the most necessary.

*some of the bricks didn’t make it. they ended up in pieces. marriage is tough. there will be pain and heartbreak. how do we respond? we forgive, pick up the pieces, and keep going.

*we encountered “enemies” as we worked today. bugs, worms, snakes. we decided not to let them distract us; we dealt with them and continued on.

*we struggled with some very strong weeds; weeds that needed to be pulled up from the ROOT. if not, they will just grow back. why continually fight against the same unwanted interferences? find the root. extract it. throw it out. once and for all.

*teamwork is key. once we realized our strengths, we could each contribute more to the process. i was most efficient pulling up the bricks; tim hauled and stacked. at sunset, we both stacked, racing the clock. it worked beautifully.

*we don’t have the whole picture yet. right now it doesn’t look anything like a patio. we didn’t get all the bricks up, and there are still lots of weeds and dirt. we’re not exactly sure how it’s going to go, but it will all make sense at the end. we’re going to stay the course; see it through.

*even if you start late, you can still get a lot of work done. we should have done this years ago. but we didn’t. we accomplished a lot in two hours today. in our nine years of marriage, we spent the first six arguing about everything and fighting for control. the last few, we’ve finally begun to consider the other as more important than ourselves. it’s accelerated our sense of partnership more than we could imagine.

*that cup of cold water tim brought me refueled my body. and in marriage, simple acts of kindness refresh the heart and soul.

*humor goes a long way. “did you get my butt in your brick picture?” haha. “no, tim, maybe next time.” and in our marriage, words cannot express how God has used our senses of humor to sustain us along this journey.

*at one point we had to take a break. and breathe. and evaluate. we talked about next steps. made a plan for completing the project. marriage is like that too. Sometimes you just need to step back, take stock, and be intentional about where you are headed together.

it was a productive day. we’re looking forward to creating a backyard space we can enjoy with family, with friends, with one another.

brick by brick.

and in our marriage relationship, we journey forward with a renewed sense of encouragement, commitment, and love as we continue to build our forever partnership.

from the inside out.